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Tales Of Stupidity Told By Citizens When Confronted By Cops



Not the safest or nicest thing to say....

#10 Cold?

#10 Cold?

I was pulled over 2 weeks after passing my test, the policeman asked me to wind down my window. I did. He then aggressively asked me 'what is it outside?!' I didn't know what he was getting at, so I replied 'cold?'... he shook his head and said 'no, dark, now turn your fucking lights on'. (Diegnan)

#9 3-Way Deal

#9 3-Way Deal

It was December 31, 1999. A friend and I thought we were so fucking slick. We were standing by an ATM at the stroke of midnight. We thought that the Y2K virus was going to cause the ATMs to just start spitting money out. Right before midnight, a police officer, seeing us in our all-black garb, asked what we were doing. When we told him, he started laughing his ass off and told us he'd split the money three ways with us if it started shooting out. Sadly, none of us made any extra money that night. (kcman011)

#8 Quick Update

#8 Quick Update

"I haven't been pulled over in years"

"You got a ticket this morning!"

"Uhh.....I didn't think that would be in the system so soon" (OH_NO_MR_BILL)

#7 What now?!

#7 What now?!

So, I was delivering booze to a friend's place as he was having a drunken party and I thought I'd be nice. Anyway, his buddy spills a half a tumbler of scotch down my shirt.

I had to get to work so I take off and hit one of those drinking and driving stops.

Of course the cop is like "Whew, and how much have you had to drink?"

Me: "Nothing, my friend spilled scotch on me"

Cop: "Uh huh"

ME: "Fine, Blow me. You'll find the truth"

Cop: "Excuse me!?"

Me, thinking: "Annnd, this is how I go to Jail"

Me: "OH! Nononono. I mean, Blow me, the thing, the straw you blow into"

Cop proceeds to laugh, gives me a breath test and I blow 0.0.

On with my day. Hah. 😀 (mrmarconi)

#5 Speed

#5 Speed

He asked was there a reason I was speeding? I said yes. He asked what was it? I said I like speeding. (Torrothemad)

#5 Smartypants This One

#5 Smartypants This One

I was a scared 16yo kid. I went the wrong way down a one way street. Saw that the road became a two way just a block ahead by the time I realized it was a one way st, so I kept going instead of trying to turn around illegally.

Cop was at the intersection I went through, pulled me over. Scared the SHIT out of me, yelling at me about the Red light I ran.

The stupidest thing I TRIED to say to a cop was that I was going the wrong way down a one way.

He told me to shut up when I started talking and came back with a very big ticket. I thought it through and went and took pictures of the intersection. See, what I was ticketed for was running a red light.

There are no red lights the wrong way down a one way street. Think about it. That would be crazy.

So I went to Court to contest my ticket. I wore a suit, was respectful, and when the Judge asked almost sarcastically while looking at my particular info "So you're going to tell me you didn't do it or something, huh?"

I told him "Actually, sir, yes. Because it's impossible to run a red light that isn't there."

That got his interest, and he made eye contact. He sat up a little bit and asked what I meant.

I told him about there not being a red light the wrong way down a one way street. I asked if I could present the pictures, which the Bailiff brought up. He laughed while looking at them, which included the street corners and enough surroundings to prove it was in fact the cross streets mentioned.

I told the Judge that I was apologizing to the Officer and trying to tell him about the 'wrong way down a one way' but got told to shut up and wasn't able to explain.

The judge laughed again and said "well, he would have cited you for the right thing if he had just listened, but I can't cite you. Clearly you didn't run a red light." And he dismissed it. I only had to pay the court filing fee of 25 bucks.

Yeehaw. (BeardsuptheWazoo)

#4 Know Your Rights

#4 Know Your Rights

Semi-Drunk me being escorted out of a bar by an officer at 21: "well, going to exercise my second amendment right and tell you to go fuck your self"

Cop as he begins to cuff me: "dumbass, that's the 3rd amendment"

My sober friend walking with us: "actually it's the first amendment" (Norman_smiles)

#3 Coke

#3 Coke

Crossing the border, and asked what I was going to buy, I said "Coke. Americans have the best coke.:

I am Canadian - we no longer have vanilla/cherry Coke. (furay10)

#2 Hide The Weed

#2 Hide The Weed

"Yo, James, hide the weed!" Was in a field playing football(soccer) and thought it would be funny to shout this directed towards an alley way, as it turns out, it's not that funny. Got arrested.

EDIT: Just want to clarify, there was no James. (Lippy3704)

#1 Classified

#1 Classified

My aunt had a terrible divorce when I was a kid. The type of divorce where police came to the house. One time ten year old me asked a cop: "Do you use the sirens if you have diarrhea?"

He was a good sport and laughed a little and said: "kid I am not classified to tell you that." Then he winked so I would take it as a yes. (lisetteatthelibrary)



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