21 Instances Where People Got Burned So Bad......EPIC!
"If you were any less intelligent we'd have to water you three times a week."
"One day during lunch this jerk was making jokes about a quiet, usually very reserved kid.
Kid takes it for about 10 minutes before casually remarking: 'Hey, do you know what the difference is between your jokes and your penis ?'
At this point around 30 people are observing.
Kid: 'No one laughs at your jokes.'
Hysterical laughter ensued and the jerk was utterly humiliated. Needless to say, he didn't say much for the rest of that lunch."
"Today my coworker said of another one, 'He's so damn stupid he could fall in a barrel of boobs and come out sucking his thumb.'"
"I'd love to see the world from your perspective, but sadly, my head doesn't fit that far up my butt."
#17 Southern Sass
"Not the most stinging insult ever, but when I was in the Marines, there was this short, skinny, INCREDIBLY strange kid. The kid claimed that he had fought for a prom date by 10-pace-dueling another guy with a paintball gun.
One day when someone showed up to morning formation looking particularly disheveled, he said (in his thick, southern drawl), 'Well, you about like the northern end of a southbound mule.'"
"I'm jealous of people that don't know you."
"It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence."
My friend is a flight attendant and would do this after the duration of the flight if there were passengers that had been annoying. During garbage pick up she would smile and say, "You're trash" (which sounded like, "your trash"), and they would put it in the bag not knowing the difference.
"I've always liked this Irish one: 'You're dumb as cow plops and only half as useful.'"
"A few years ago me and some random kid were arguing, and he immediately screams, 'YAH, WELL YOU HAVE A TIC-TAC PENIS!'
I looked him in the eye and said, 'So that's why your mom's breath is so fresh.'"
#11 What a comparison!
"You're about as useful as the share button on a porn video."
"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."
#9 So much hate
"I hope you are brought to the top of a cliff by the person you love most in this world, and they push you off. And as you accept your mortality and make peace with it, the moment before you hit the ground, Superman comes out of nowhere and saves you. He then flies into the air, and drops you from even higher." - Louis C.K
#8 Old School
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
"I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and POOP a better argument than yours."
#6 Function Important
"I would call you an asshole, but at least they get sh-t done."
"If you're about to insult a woman, tell her to go fix her eyebrows. It will HAUNT her."
"Why play so hard to get when you're already so hard to want."
#3 Night Off
"I've always loved the simple line that Jimmy Carr once said to an audience member: 'It's nice that you're here though... means it's a night off for someone.'"
"That motherf*cker's about as useful as a fishnet condom."
"I do desire we may be better strangers." - Shakespeare
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